What happens when the healthcare system fails you at your most vulnerable moment? Pavitra's story is a stark warning for NRIs considering Europe. After 15 years abroad, including traumatic medical experiences that left her with PTSD, an undiagnosed husband, and a gifted child labeled as a "problem" in Dutch schools, she's making the difficult decision to return to India. Her journey reveals the hidden challenges of European healthcare and education systems that many NRIs don't discover until it's too late.

Background: From Human Rights to Netherlands

Pavitra's journey to Europe began in 2009 when she went to London for her Masters at the London School of Economics. Her career in human rights took her to challenging locations.

"I work in the field of Human Rights and International Development. I spent time in Afghanistan, Palestine doing human rights work on the field. I had some life-threatening situations because of the conflict in Palestine, and that made me decide to go back to London and a corporate job."

The Move to Netherlands

After experiencing workplace racism in London and her husband's back injury requiring treatment in India, they found themselves needing a fresh start. Netherlands offered an opportunity:

"The difference between Netherlands and UK was fantastic. Here we are experts, there we are immigrants. Once you get a work permit, it's valid for five years and then you can apply for citizenship. Your visa is not tied to the employer. It was a big relief because visa stress is very debilitating - in the UK we faced that a lot."

The Dutch Healthcare Nightmare

Everything changed in 2019 when their son was born. Pavitra's encounter with Dutch healthcare became traumatic.

44 Hours of Labor

"I went into labor and it was 44 hours. In most countries, even in India, 24 hours is the max. Here there's a huge emphasis on natural birth. Most babies are born at home - you have to pay extra if you want your baby in the hospital. It's very midwife-driven; usually there are no gynecologists at birth in the Netherlands."

A Rare, Devastating Condition

The prolonged labor resulted in a condition that should never happen in developed countries:

"I had this extremely rare condition called obstetric fistula which is eradicated in the developed world. It's only present now in African countries where they don't have gynecological facilities. It's an extremely debilitating condition - a disability basically. You have stool passing from your vagina non-stop."

15 Months Without Treatment

"15 months postpartum I was not able to find a surgeon to fix it. I needed surgery and I couldn't find one. I was stuck in one room for 15 months. My mental health went for a toss. I had a small baby to take care of. They should not have let me have labor for 44 hours."

The solution came through her own research - she found a Dutch surgeon who specialized in this condition but worked in Africa. He happened to be in Netherlands during COVID and agreed to operate.

Husband's Undiagnosed Sleep Apnea

While Pavitra was recovering, her husband was deteriorating - but doctors kept missing the diagnosis.

"He was starting to be very off character - very impulsive, high frustration, low tolerance, irritability, not performing as good at work. We kept going to the doctor, the Dutch house arts (GP), and they kept saying nothing, nothing, nothing - it's just stress, burnout."

The Diagnosis She Made Herself

"After I recovered, I noticed my husband was stopping breathing when he was sleeping. I quickly Googled and saw something called Sleep Apnea. We went to the GP and she said 'oh yeah, that sounds like sleep apnea - I also have it!' I'm like, what's wrong with you? For 2-3 years we've been coming to you!"

His Apnea Hypopnea Index (AHI) - measuring how many times you stop breathing per hour - was 87. Severe is considered above 30.

"In Chennai, if you go to Kauvery Hospital or any hospital, first thing they'll ask is 'do you snore when you're sleeping?' That's a screening question - it's routine. Here, for three years my husband lost his life because of negligence."

Son's Speech Regression and Early Intervention

The family's medical challenges weren't over. Their son began showing concerning signs.

The Regression

"At 12 months he used to say 'kaka, mama, papa' - those two-syllable words. By 16-17 months he completely stopped making sounds. He was losing eye contact. He was this normal child and then he just stopped. My husband was so sleep-deprived from his undiagnosed condition, he didn't even notice."

Dutch System: Wait Until 2

"I contacted the GGD - the youth healthcare. They said 'no, wait until 2 years old. After that only if speech delay, we will talk.' There's enough evidence to show if you have to intervene before two is the best time - the brain is the most neuroplastic before two."

Indian Speech Therapist to the Rescue

Pavitra took matters into her own hands:

"I got an appointment in India with an Indian speech therapist and child psychologist - online because of COVID. She said 'let's do intensive speech therapy.' But how? She said 'don't worry, I will teach you - you do it.' She took online classes for me and I was the speech therapist for my son for six months. Day and night, everything we did was speech therapy."

By age 2, he was hitting his milestones. The early intervention worked.

Discovering Giftedness and School Struggles

As their son developed, they discovered he wasn't just catching up - he was far ahead.

"His cognitive abilities were much higher - significantly higher. He was reading by age 2.5, little words. By 3 he was a fluent reader. His mathematical ability - I can't even explain. By 3 he was multiplying and dividing with very little input. We didn't actively teach him."

The Neurodiverse Profile

The child is neurodiverse - gifted with some characteristics that overlap with autism and ADHD, though he didn't qualify for either diagnosis. The early intervention may have prevented a more severe presentation.

School Becomes a Nightmare

"In school, he has behavior issues, he's disruptive. At home we see a very different child. In school it's completely disruptive, not willing to stay in the group, constantly doing things to seek attention of teachers because he wants to talk to a grown-up who can interact at his cognitive level. The other children can't do that."

The Cognitive Mismatch

"My son is reading thick chapter books at 5 years old. They are learning 'A makes a sound, B makes B sound.' He's doing mathematical operations with multiple steps - BODMAS rule. They're learning to count 1 to 10. There's a big mismatch and he doesn't know what to do because he's very annoyed."

Private specialists recommended grade-skipping, but the school refused, citing social-emotional readiness concerns.

The India Trial: A Different Child

Before starting "big school," they took their son to India for 3 months as a trial.

"We put him in normal pre-KG near our house. He was a different child. They were stimulating him academically. There's a lot more tolerance on how children behave. When you're 3 and 4, you're not very cognizant of other people's needs - they have to learn. But there's more tolerance for the delay in onset of these characteristics."

No Daily Complaints

"In Netherlands, every single day when we pick him up: 'today your child pushed the blocks of another kid, today your child pushed that other kid.' Other kids also push my kid but we don't hear about that. In India, they'll be like 'by 7-8 they'll all learn eventually.' There's no thing about 'oh you don't know how to take turns, you don't know how to share' - in India it's expected that a 3-year-old doesn't know how to take turns."

The Contrast

In Netherlands, teachers stand with notepads during outside play, documenting every interaction. In India, children are allowed to be children while they develop social skills naturally.

Cultural Clashes in Parenting

When Pavitra sought government services for her son, she encountered cultural judgment.

"They came and did an initial assessment. They were saying 'this is all happening because you're too hands-on, you're not letting him be independent. He's still sleeping in your bed, he needs to be in his own bed. At home you feed him - he needs to eat his own food.'"

Defending Indian Parenting

"At home I feed him because that's how my mom raised me. She fed me when I was 5. Even now if I go and tell my mom I'm not feeling well, can you feed me - she'll feed me. Feeding is a big part of nurturing and parenting in India. Here they're like 'he's not independent because you're feeding him, because you're sleeping with him.'"

Pavitra's response was decisive:

"We said we're not going to let these people into our house because they don't understand our culture. We will hire private specialists - we have to pay a lot of money but it'll be worth it. Half the world lives that way, more than half the world lives that way, and there's nothing wrong with what we're doing."